How to forgive when you really don’t want to

It’s like you’re on one of those hamster wheels, spinning endlessly, running your heart out, giving it your best.

But you keep hitting the same sore spot over and over, so often it throbs and stabs with every step.

You’re rolling your eyes cuz, whatever. If you knew how to fix it, you would, right?

You’d give your last chocolate bar to understand the big ‘why.’

Doing it over and over again, with no end in sight

You remember when They did Something that really hurt you?

You know that horrible grudge you’ve been holding? The one you stuffed into your gunnysack of heavy rocks. The one that actually weighs a ton.

Yeah, you know you should let it go, whatever that really means.

But you keep hauling it around with you, holding it close, sleeping with it, disturbing your dreams.

I know some people who think it’s something to be proud of, to hold grudges, saying they’ll never forgive.

And there are some people who were hurt so badly that even though the mental thought of forgiveness is present, they just don’t have the skills to be able to do it. If they could just make it disappear, they would.

Either way, you keep experiencing the same hurt, the same pain, over and over again. Because you are so focused on holding that pain close that you attract the same type of experience to them — again and again. The same type of betrayal.

It’s the Law of Attraction in play.

What about this thought? It might be that the word “forgive” doesn’t resonate with you.

How to forgive without forgiving

I was doing an intuitive reading for a young woman whose palms showed indications of a deep wound. When I mentioned it, tears of pain filled her eyes.

My heart went out to her. She obviously still felt deep, wrenching pain about someone who had hurt her profoundly.

I explained that something bad had happened to me, too, and I struggled for many years to forgive that person. But the word ‘forgiveness’ just didn’t resonate with me, either.

In my journey, I’ve learned quite a few things, one of which is that we are all members of Life Schools, here to experience specific emotions and events. Some words or actions just don’t resonate for some of us.

I mentioned to the hurting young woman that even though it doesn’t feel right to forgive someone, it’s alright to forgive them for an action they took while on their student path, while still holding them accountable for the action. It’s natural that there be consequences.

We all make mistakes on our student path. That’s what the student path is all about.

Sometimes, people know better than to do what they did. What then?

3 Ways to set blame aside so you can move on

How can you forgive someone without forgiving them? How can you shift a painful memory from “in living color” to a different track?

You can set it aside. You do this every day in other ways.

You have a task to do, but don’t have the time right now. You set it aside.

You know you need to call or write to your parent, but don’t want to do it right now. You set it aside.

You know dishes have to be washed, but you’re busy. So you set it aside.

See? You already know how to set it aside. You already have the chops, the mental memory, the muscle memory.

Imagine you have a magic wand and you can make it happen. What’s next?

1. You can make a list of what you learned from the situation, both the good and the bad. You’ll have to step back to view it objectively. Might want to ask a friend to help you with this one.

2. You can take the memory, imaginatively wrap it up in plain paper, and set it on the shelf or in a sturdy box. Let it gather dust. Let it decay from the inattention.

3. You can forgive them for acting badly while on their student path, while still holding them accountable for the violation.

Let’s add one more: You can do all that for a mistake you made that you deeply regret.

1. Make a list of what you learned, both good and bad.

2. When that’s done, imagine wrapping it up in plain paper and set it on the shelf or in a sturdy box where it can gather dust. Or you can retrieve the memory to remind yourself of what you learned the last time you were in this situation.

3. You can forgive yourself because you were on your student path, you learned from your mistake, and it’s unlikely it’ll happen again.

You’ll be satisfied with your Before & After. You were meant to learn from it and grow, not to bow under the heavy weight of endless guilt.

As I look back through the seasons of my life, I can see that for the most part, life really is temporary. It’s all temporary. I’ve had to start over and re-make myself a few times.

Sometimes the anger and pain held on for a long time; sometimes, not so long.

I have to keep reminding myself that it’s all a learning experience my Soul set up for this personality that is Me, and one of the experiences is learning to learn from an experience, allow it to integrate into my being, and set aside the hurt, betrayal, etc., so I can get on with my life.

The angst of the moment is temporary. It’s all temporary

It’s simple, but not always easy. Sometimes we get hung up on definitions and semantics. We are told to “let it go,” but what does that mean in your dictionary of meanings?

Maybe letting go is too hard or doesn’t make sense to you. Perhaps instead of letting go, you can set it aside. No more front & center.

Maybe it’s like a plate of food you’ve finished eating; it still has smears and chunks here and there. It’s not clean, but you can set it aside. Maybe it’s a paper plate that you can throw away.

Maybe it’s like that half-inch thick dust on the door frame that you can wipe off with a paper towel and throw away.

I know it’s hard. You can do it. You’ve got this. It’s a choice for a better, happier you.

In the meantime, check my website for my free webinars where you’ll learn about what blocks you from taking action. It’s fun. It’s enlightening.

You too can boost your love life, relationships, health, and career.

Yep, it’s possible. You have potential, ya know! I’ll help you!

Lotsa hugs,

Be well. Be happy. Just be.

Peg McMahan, HHP, CHt, LMT

Be a Goddess! Boost your love life, relationships, career, health. You can, you know. Because you have potential! I’ll help!

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